PS-diagnosis

On March 5 1020, I took my mother to the hospital with her sister-in-law (only that said sister-in-law is not actually my mother’s sister-in-law since she’s not married to my mother’s brother who has a son with said sister-in-law) Let’s call her Flower. What I told my mother was a lie. I didn’t tell her she’s dying. I told her I’m taking her to the hospital so the doctors can start treating her for cervical cancer.

Let me backtrack…. It started with a phone call from her from her primary doctor telling us my mother needs ‘immediate’ medical attention. The bacteria in her body when sky-high and anytime she might drop dead before we can even say the word. So I went downstairs to her room and calmly told her we’re going to the doctor to start her treatment. And in the hospital everything happened.

It started on the night I saw her bleeding huge amount s of blood. My mother is 51 years old. She looks like she’s hemorrhaging but she wasn’t. She’s already menopause since she’s turned 45. She was surprised to see she has her period on the middle of December 2009. She said she went to her obigyne, to have herself checked and was told she had genital warts, got some medication and cured it. In the middle of February 2010 she started bleeding. Large amounts of blood, like she was stabbed… that’s when I knew something was terribly wrong.

By the end of February 2010, she was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer (stage 3B). It was terrifying… I told my grandmother and she passed out and cried every afternoon. I remember going back to the doctor back and forth with mom and my grandmother. We thought it was myoma… we thought a surgery can make it all go away… we didn’t have any idea it was so much worse than that.

On the first night at the hospital I talked to her doctor. I was told my mother’s creatinine count is up at 900 ( a normal person’s creatinine count is at below 100). The doctor told me my mother needs to undergo dialysis to help ‘clean out’ her blood… I was told mom needs to have blood replacement. The worst news was that the bacteria ruined her kidneys. The doctor explained that after her creatinine count goes down, after all the tests, etc, we will be left with one big problem-her kidneys. I still cannot imagine I would see the day my mother in diapers. Nor can I believe the time will come a tube will be attached to her lower back, a nephrostomy tube, is what they call it, to help her get her urine out… we were terrified when we found out she developed DVT (deep venous thrombosis) a clot in her blot that can attack anytime to cause a stroke or cardiac arrest. We also found she had a weak heart… It’s so very confusing. I don’t know how I got to face my mother with a smile buying food for her, helping get her changed, with the help of ‘Flower’.

Flower was there to help take care of my mother while at the hospital. My sister and I almost got into a fight. We don’t know where to get the money until help finally came and we were able to pay off the bills. My uncles were crying because their one and only sister is terminally ill… phone call after phone call, bill after bill… It was an emotional roller coaster, but I can’t even afford to cry. Sometimes I wish I didn’t take her to the doctor that night. Sometimes I wish I just let her go…. Because this feeling inside me just keeps eating me up. It’s hard.

So finally we took her home….

Now…. We wait…